Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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