Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
