saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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