Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
