we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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