He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
