dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
