Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
