matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
