I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
