you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
