just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
