Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
