Plan B is the new Plan A
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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