so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
