o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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