This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
