I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
