There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
