If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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