I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
