you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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