i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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