just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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