It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
