Your face is a jimmy john
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
