I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
