Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
