the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
