thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
