To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
