just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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