she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
