I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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