I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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