gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i think my cat just said my name.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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