The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
