is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
