I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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