you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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