So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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