Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
