I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
