Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
