she woke up with a sticky ear
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
