I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
