There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
