; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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