you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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