Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
