My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My feet surprised me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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