He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
