he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
