If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
