Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish I could teleport
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
