i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
